


A Little Too Tall, Could've Used A Few Pounds

by Safiyabat



Series: SPN Season 11 Episode Tags [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode Tag, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-29
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-04-28 18:49:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5101772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Safiyabat/pseuds/Safiyabat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>** Spoilers for s11 e04, "Baby." **</p><p>Sam takes a few moments to consider the takeaway from their latest hunt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Too Tall, Could've Used A Few Pounds

**Author's Note:**

> No beta. Sad face.

            They managed to get the Impala back to the bunker, although Sam would be hard pressed to tell anyone how anyone could coax her, with her damage, along the fifteen hundred miles of mostly-mountain roads between the tiny Oregon town with the obscure monster of the week and scenic Lebanon. Only _that_ car, and probably only with _that_ driver, he supposed.  She managed to keep on moving through wrecks that would have seen most other cars condemned to a crusher, kept moving and laughed.  Kind of like Dean himself.

            The hunt had been a good one, as these things went.  They’d both gotten a little banged up, but no serious injuries. Nothing that they couldn’t handle, and they’d only had to take out one person.  They’d been able to save the rest of them, all of them turning back into humans when Dean had crammed the pennies into Deputy Dumbass’ mouth. They’d increased their knowledge base, too. They’d learned how to take out a whatever-it-was, for one thing.  And they learned that even the creatures they usually hunted were terrified of the Darkness – terrified and, if what the alpha monster had said was anything to go by, despairing. 

            But they got the job done, and they limped back to Kansas, where they got to work on the Impala right away.  “They” of course meant Dean; Sam wasn’t arrogant enough to think that a little conversation here and there somehow meant that he was allowed under the Impala’s hood or anywhere near body work.  That was fine by him; Dean needed to do the work himself, for his own peace of mind, and auto shop hadn’t ever been Sam’s favorite subject.   

            Instead, he checked on Castiel to make sure he was healing up the way he should be. When Cas proved to be about as well as could be expected, and full of more questions about the lives of women in prison than Sam felt qualified to answer, he left the angel to his own devices once again and retreated to his assigned room to process the rest of the events of their most recent hunting trip.

            Sam hadn’t planned to get sexually involved with anyone. He’d fully intended to go to the diner and research.  When Piper had approached and made her interest known, he’d initially thought she was joking. She hadn’t been, and they’d spent a fantastic night together in the backseat of the car. 

            Sam couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so good. He’d loved Amelia, sure, but they’d been desperate people clinging to each other in an attempt to stay afloat. Life rafts don’t have great sex with each other, and to be honest Sam still hadn’t been fully comfortable in his own body.  Even if Dean had been around, even if Sam hadn’t been in mourning for a brother he’d fully believed was dead, Sam probably wouldn’t have been much good, or gotten much out of it. Cara, maybe?  No, he’d started the process of turning himself into a weapon, something to be used, by the time they’d connected.  It had been good, but not… not quite a clean, fun thing.

            God, was the last really fun, innocent time he’d had been Madison?

            Of course, he’d tried to exchange numbers with Piper. She’d declined. As in, didn’t even want to accept his number and then delete it later.  So he guessed it wasn’t as good for her as it was for him.  She’d seemed to enjoy it pretty well at the time, but maybe Dean was right.  Maybe it was stupid to try to keep a connection to the outside world.   It had never gotten him anything but miserable before, so why would now be any different?

            At the same time, he _craved_ that connection.  Piper – being with Piper, and not jus physically – had made him feel more _real_ than he’d felt in more years than he cared to count. How long had it been since he’d actually felt any kind of connection with his body that didn’t involve pain?

            But he couldn’t expect Piper to wrap her head around that. Sure, he’d wanted to connect with her beyond one (incredible) night in the back of the Impala. And what exactly was he bringing to the table beyond an oversized body?  A car that didn’t belong to him.  The constant adrenaline rush of Things that might come after anyone connected with him, some human and some not.  A PTSD case no VA doc could ever cure. 

            But hey – they’d enjoyed each other.  They’d had a good time, and connected for the night.  It had to be enough for him, and he’d broken the world enough that he should consider himself lucky to have achieved that.

            Speaking of which…

            Sam’s mind turned to the other momentous event of the journey. He’d had another vision. Dean had been dismissive. It had been a fever dream, the lingering effects of the virus that Sam had contracted.  _That Sam had cured._ No, he couldn’t think like that. He’d contracted it, and he’d fallen prey to sloppy thinking and his own hubris yet again.  At least this time his vision didn’t consist of a Cage flashback.

            But yeah – Dean was right.  God had never given a damn about humanity, and even if He had, He’d sure as hell never given a damn about the Winchesters.  And even if He’d ever cared about a Winchester, it would absolutely never, ever, ever be Sam that He chose to speak to.  Dean hadn’t had to say that; Sam knew. 

            No, the visions were not coming from God.  That much, Sam could be sure of.  And they weren’t accompanied by migraines or worse, so that was a blessing.  They were still coming from outside of himself, still something that Sam couldn’t’ control.

            For some reason Sam himself didn’t entirely understand, he’d have been more comfortable with them coming from God.  Even after everything, he wanted to believe. He had to admit though, it was kind of a farfetched idea.  As farfetched as the idea of himself with someone for more than a night.

            After Dean had managed to convince the car to stop making that awful squeaking sound, Sam helped him to clean her out.  On the floor of the back seat, half hidden under the front seat bench, he found Piper’s hairpin.  He’d wanted that to be real too.  And it had been, if brief.  And her hairpin had saved Dean, allowing him to free himself from the cuffs and destroy the alpha monster.

            He slipped the trinket into his pocket when Dean wasn’t looking. Later that night, he smuggled it back into his room and slipped it into the box he’d disguised as a book, where he kept all of his most valued possessions.  He still had the ring he’d intended to give Jess in there, and Dean’s amulet.

            Piper’s hairpin wasn’t on that scale, not even close.  But it would remind him that he could still make someone smile.

 


End file.
